<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The sexting misadventure of Alpha leader and Messer Padfoot by ZoeBen</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316204">The sexting misadventure of Alpha leader and Messer Padfoot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBen/pseuds/ZoeBen'>ZoeBen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, But Mostly Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hard Remus Lupin, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Marauders being Marauders, Oblivious Sirius Black, Praise Kink, Remus Gets Hella Descriptive, Rimming, Sexting, Smut, Texting, Their Friendship Has No Boundaries, This May Be a Low Key Crack Fic, smut and humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:22:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBen/pseuds/ZoeBen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has a mission, Remus is his getaway driver, and things get a little out of hand.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The sexting misadventure of Alpha leader and Messer Padfoot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>~ A ficlet which is 90% PG-13 silliness and 10% hard E (And so is Moony) ~<br/>Disclaimer: I own no characters, I do not condone motor pollution and I most definitely do not advise sexting your best mate out of the blue. Unless you are the Marauders.<br/>This is my first time writing an E rated anything - tell me if it’s cringey???<br/>*Sirius is in Italics*<br/>Reader discretion is advised.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Moony(19:12) I’m at the front. What’s taking so long?      </p>
<p>
  <em>(19:12) There are eyes EVERYWHERE</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:12) Hurry the fuck up – do I need to get in???</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:12) Negative.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:12) You have to stay in the car.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:12) Over. </em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:13) Copy, standing by. What’s your 20?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:13) Exiting route Dryfood Section and heading towards Snacks avenue I repeat exiting route Dryfood Section and heading towards Snacks avenue. </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:13) Rodger.</p>
<p>Moony(19:14) Have just received word from team beta – the extraction of Snape’ Netflix password had occurred. Awaiting at base.</p>
<p>Moony(19:14) Status report requested on Prongs’ milk sitch.</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:14) Mission 2 for 1 almond milk was successful</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:14) …I thought we were team beta </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:14) Negative.</p>
<p>Moony(19:14) I’m always team alpha.</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:15) In that case</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:15) Please inform team beta that they owe me five quid.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:15) On a completely unrelated matter </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:15) Over</em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:15) That’d be another negative I’m afraid.</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:16) Permission to tell alpha leader that he’s being a real spoil sport. Over. </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:16) Permission denied.</p>
<p>Moony(19:17) Can you get me the mini pizza bites things I like?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:17)…</em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:17) Over</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:17) YES</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:17) er</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:17) I mean </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:18) Affirmative on the Moony Snacks. Over.</em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:18) Lmao</p>
<p>Moony (19:18) Actually can you get me some chocolate too?</p>
<p>Moony(19:18) And some strawberries. Over</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:18) Are we having fondue? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:18) Over </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:19) Sure let’s go with that</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:19) I love fondue!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:20) I’m about to infiltrate a line of civilians</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:20) That’s code for the till </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:20) as in I’m heading to the till </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:20) Requesting team alpha to get the motor running for potential getaway tire-screeching sound effect. </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:21) My motor is already running… ;)</p>
<p>Moony(19:21) So you need to hurry back</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:21) You’re the BEST </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:21) Okay okay I’m at the one closest to the exit </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:21) So excited</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:21) Over </em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:22) Hahaha good choice</p>
<p>Moony(19:22) It’s right next to the pharmaceutical aisle, correct?  </p>
<p>
  <em>(19:22) Affirmative…</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:22) I’m going to need you to get me something else real quick.</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:22) Rodger</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:22) What am I getting you? </em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:23) Please extract me some lube. Over.</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:23) Fuck </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:23) I mean</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:23) fuck </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:24) Do you really want me to get you LUBE?</em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:24) Affirmative Padfoot</p>
<p>Moony(19:25) Did you get it?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:25) Yes</em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:25) Such a good boy</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:25) Shucks </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:25) I aim to please Moony                </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:26) Alpha leader</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:26) Damn </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:26) Permission to praise alpha leader on his dedication to the cause. Over.</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:26) Permission granted</p>
<p>Moony(19:26) What type did you get?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:26) You’d be extremely proud alpha leader </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:26) The bottle is lavishly pink and it’s candy cane flavoured.</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:27) Five by five BZ</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:27) ???</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:27) …Over</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Moony(19:27) Loud and clear, well done. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:27) Wow</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:27) You’re so into it </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:28) Over</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:28) Mhmmmm yes I am</p>
<p>Moony (19:28) So so into it</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:28) ?? I thought you’d be more upset about the lube tbh </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:28) Why? I’m not the one carrying it to the till ;)</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:28) FUCK</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:29)I have candy cane flavoured lube, chocolate and strawberries</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:29) this is so weird everyone is eyeing me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:29) and it’s a REALLY long line</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:29) Lmao don’t forget the mini pizzas and Prongs’ milk</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:30) That’s not FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:30) I look like I like to get kinky with mini pizzas!! And then drink some milk!!!!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:30) There’s an old guy in a tracksuit that just winked at me </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:30) Requesting immediate extraction! </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:31) Denied</p>
<p>Moony(19:31) I want my candy cane lube</p>
<p>Moony(19:31) and chocolate</p>
<p>Moony(19:31) So I could melt it</p>
<p>Moony(19:31) Such a good combo choice</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:32) Ffs Moony</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:32) ALPHA LEADER</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:32) Alpha leader</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:32) You’re really going to use it????</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:33) Yeah I want to drip the chocolate down the front and use the lube for the back so I can taste them both</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:33) …</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:33) how </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:33) How would that work exactly?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:33) For um clarification sake </em>
</p>
<p>Moony (19:33) Well Padfoot</p>
<p>Moony(19:34) If it were you, purely for clarification sake, I’d start by dripping the chocolate over your chest, make sure it's not too hot for you want it to be just right for you.</p>
<p>Moony(19:34) I’d drip it over your thighs and only after I lick you clean and you quiver all over I’d suck you off and loosen you up with my fingers</p>
<p>Moony (19:34) You’d want to come so bad but I won’t let you not yet not before you sit on my face so I can taste that lube</p>
<p>Moony(19:34) And if you’re good Im gonna let you set the pace will you be good for me?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:34) Fuck</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:35) Yeah</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:35) Yeah?</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:35) I’d be good </em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:35) You always are </p>
<p>
  <em>(19:35) Is this for real??? are we doing it or are you trying to get me hard so people will think Im a proper food pervert???</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:36) Can’t it be both?</p>
<p>Moony(19:36) I’ve been hard since you first called me alpha leader tbh</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:36) Fuck </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(19:36) idec I’m coming</em>
</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) ;)</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) You probably won’t see it</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) As you rush towards your next orgasm</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) And what a stellar orgasm it would be</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) But you seem to have forgotten something</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) The shopping.</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) That’s okay thou</p>
<p>Moony(19:38) I’ve lube in the glove compartment</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>(21:34) SHITE </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Marauders:  </p>
<p>Prongs(9:21) FFS why is there no milk?!??!?!</p>
<p>Moony(9:23) They were all out chill Prongs it’s only a 5 min trip to the supermarket</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>FIN</em>
</p>
<p>~No supermarkets were robbed in the creation of this fic ~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos keeps alpha leader in a praising mood :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>